My name is Denise and I have two beautiful daughters. They grew up with an alcoholic/cross-addicted father. However, he was very passive and hidden until his disease became unmanageable. He also was a diabetic. My daughters were used to going to the hospital for visits. As both diseases progressed he became worse and worse and Rehabs started to enter our lives. Amanda, my younger daughter, was six years younger than her older sister. She never had those special “Daddy and Me” times; he was too ill. She was devastated when she could not go to the Father Daughter Dance and would not hear of me or anyone else taking her. She just cried her way through the evening.
I took my girls to Ala-teen, and Ala-Preteen and Amanda even became a speaker. Tim, my husband, got sent to Florida rehab for 6 months. We were relieved and were at peace. He did get sober and finally came home but his health had deteriorated. He needed a kidney transplant; his vision was going and he was angry. Life had not changed very much. Jeanna was driving and Amanda was just about 12. Tim was miserable for about a year in a hospitable bed in the den. Fast forward when Amanda came home from school one day, she was all alone, and found him ready to die. She called 911, started life support and called me at work. I rushed home to find her doing CPR. I knew he had already passed. But I put my arm around her saying, Daddy is gone Amanda. But, I am right here with you and if you feel you need to stay with him then you do that. And, she did. Tim was 45 years old and she was 13.
She, needless to say, never really recovered from that trauma. But she graduated from High School, went to Community College and worked 2 jobs. She was so sweet and caring. She had a depth about her that she knew how you were feeling. She wanted to be in the health field. Then, it happened. A tragic car accident left her in the ICU unit for more than 3 weeks. Well, no need to say more than that. It was the beginning of the end. She fell behind in her studies so she became a dental assistant. Everyone loved her. Beautiful, but between standing on her feet, leaning over in the chair, and whatever else she had to do, she was in constant pain. Doctors just wrote prescriptions like water. And like her father she hid her dependence until she no longer could. Then her Rehabs, trouble with the law and her battles started.
She was clean and sober for months prior to her leaving this earth. But the struggle is REAL. And our legal system does not help and would not let her leave New York while on probation. To watch your baby hurting and not be able to do anything is heartbreaking. And on July 22, 2015, after having a huge fight with her fiancé she went to 7-11 to get something. She came home, took it, showered and passed out on her bedroom floor. I knew it was the end. I whispered in her ear, “ Amanda, if you cannot fight this anymore I love you enough to let you go.” By the time EMS got het to the hospital and we arrived, she had passed away.
It is DEVASTATING, the WORST thing a parent will ever go through. Your heart never stops hurting, but in time it does get softer, but never better. I try to find my blessings like her sobriety and the fact that I was Blessed to have been her mother. I had her for 28 years. But her life had not been easy for her either and for that I pray she has found peace. Amanda, I love you Today, Tomorrow, and Forever. Until we are together again. Your loving mother……….
Story by
Denise Henderson
6 replies on “AMANDA HENDERSON”
Where I reside, the last year has seen unprecedented drug overdose death counts, an increase mostly due to Covid-19 lockdown measures that basically abandoned all forms of addiction groups and counselling. I’m willing to bet that such blanket closures and indefinitely discontinued services somehow could have been avoided or at least mitigated.
Although I haven’t been personally affected by the addiction/overdose crisis, I still understand the callous politics involved with this most serious social issue: Just government talk about funding to make proper treatment available to low- and no-income hard-drug addicts, however much it would alleviate their great suffering, generates firm opposition by the general socially and fiscally conservative electorate. The reaction is largely due to the preconceived notion that drug addicts are but weak-willed and/or have somehow committed a moral crime.
Ignored is that such intense addiction usually does not originate from a bout of boredom, where a person repeatedly consumed recreationally but became heavily hooked on an unregulated often-deadly chemical that eventually destroyed their life and even that of a loved-one. The greater the drug-induced euphoria or escape one attains from its use, the more one wants to repeat the experience; and the more intolerable one finds their sober reality, the more pleasurable that escape should be perceived. By extension, the greater one’s mental pain or trauma while sober, the greater the need for escape from reality, thus the more addictive the euphoric escape-form will likely be. Sadly, the pain of their reality may be so overwhelming that even the most extreme and potentially permanent form of escape — suicidal behavior — is sometimes chosen.
Regardless, we now know pharmaceutical corporations intentionally pushed their very addictive opiate pain killers — the real moral crime — for which they got off relatively lightly, considering the resulting immense suffering and overdose death numbers.
Although I haven’t been personally affected by the addiction/overdose crisis, I still understand the callous politics involved with this most serious social issue: Just government talk about funding to make proper treatment available to low- and no-income hard-drug addicts, however much it would alleviate their great suffering, generates firm opposition by the general socially and fiscally conservative electorate.
The reaction is largely due to the preconceived notion that drug addicts are but weak-willed and/or have somehow committed a moral crime. Ignored is that such intense addiction usually does not originate from a bout of boredom, where a person repeatedly consumed recreationally but became heavily hooked on an unregulated often-deadly chemical that eventually destroyed their life and even that of a loved-one. The greater the drug-induced euphoria or escape one attains from its use, the more one wants to repeat the experience; and the more intolerable one finds their sober reality, the more pleasurable that escape should be perceived. By extension, the greater one’s mental pain or trauma while sober, the greater the need for escape from reality, thus the more addictive the euphoric escape-form will likely be.
Regardless, we now know pharmaceutical corporations intentionally pushed their very addictive opiate pain killers (perhaps the real moral crime), for which they got off relatively lightly, considering the resulting immense suffering and overdose death numbers.
Thank you so very much for your story.
My daughter Jennifer loved life ,enjoyed her job as a CNA who was so dedicated to her residents.She had 3 sons and had alcoholism from her father and bot my parents. So I guess the gene was there.She met a man ,fell deep in love .He took her away from family and got her hooked on drugs she became a person who would do anything to get her drugs , refused help because she did not have a problem. I stopped taking her calls because she became verbally abusive to me because I would not give her money.I would buy food or pay her bills if the rent or lights were going to be shut off but would not give her money. We had not talked in months when the call came.Her 2 young boys found and called 911.She was gone.By the way her man was in jail waiting to be sentenced for arm robbery.
Hugs to all who have suffered from this disease
Bereaved Mother’s Day, May 2 2021
Thank you for sharing your story and ’m so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. From one mom to another.
Love and prayers from a kindred spirit